Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in flumpet's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
10:51 pm	Hah, stole it from Beth, Sara, and (by proxy) Chris! ( ) stayed single the whole year. ( ) got your first kiss (X) kissed someone new ( ) made-out for the first time ( ) made-out in/on a car (X) kissed in the snow (X) kissed in the rain. (X) fell in love ( ) fell in love with a fool ( ) had your heart broken (X) broke someone else's heart ( ) had a stalker (X) had a good relationship with someone ( ) questioned your sexual orientation ( ) came out of the closet (X) gotten pregnant (THAT's what I've been forgetting to tell everyone! Aliens did it!) ( ) gotten someone else pregnant ( ) had an abortion (X) gotten married (weird night. There was a monkey involved. And tequila.) (X) had a divorce (turns out the monkey-tequila thing didn't work out) ( ) had a gay marriage ( ) kissed someone of the same sex (X) dated someone you'll never forget (X) done something you've regretted (haven't we all, though?) ( ) lost your true love ( ) lost faith in love ( ) kissed under mistletoe WORK/SCHOOL ( ) got a promotion ( ) got a pay raise ( ) changed jobs ( ) lost your job ( ) quit your job ( ) dated a co-worker ( ) dated your boss ( ) dated your boss' daughter/son ( ) got fired from your job ( ) got straight A's (X) met one teacher you really like (X) met one teacher you really hated ( ) found the subject you love ( ) failed a class (X) cut class (X) got into a fight with a classmate (Judo....ouch) ( ) did something you were proud of ( ) discovered a new talent (X) proved yourself an idiot (rather a daily occurence, eh?) (X) embarrassed yourself in front of the class ( ) fell in love with a teacher ( ) got a lead in the school play (X) made a varsity team (of course I'm referring to varsity computer gaming) ( ) got sent to the office OTHER (X) painted a picture (well, not a picture so much as some lumps of metal and rocks...but, y'know, same thing really) ( ) wrote a poem ( ) ran a mile (X) listened to music you couldn't stand (yeah...some song involving a lady singing about her goiter...*shudder*) ( ) double-dipped ( ) skinny-dipped ( ) went to a sleepover ( ) went to camp ( ) threw a surprise party (X) laughed till you cried ( ) laughed till you peed in your pants ( ) flirted shamelessly (X) visited a foreign country (X) visited a foreign state (X) cooked a disastrous meal (all of them?) (X) lost something important to you (X) got a gift you adore (X) realized something new about yourself ( ) went on a diet ( ) tried to gain weight ( ) dyed your hair ( ) came close to losing your life (X) went to a party (X) drank alcohol ( ) drank alcohol underage ( ) did (a) drug(s) (X) got drunk (X) got arrested (heist went south...the aforementioned monkey bailed on me...bitter little bastard) (X) read a great book (X) saw a great movie ( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry ( ) saw your favorite band/artist live ( ) saw someone famous in person ( ) did something you want to tell everyone (X) Enjoyed this year overall ...so I'll admit, some creative liberties may have been taken... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 16th, 2005
3:48 pm	Odin You scored 57 Wisdom, 40 Sexuality, 36 Strength, and 52 Goodliness! The Allfather, the head of the pantheon, blood-brother to Loki, you are the enigmatic, one-eyed man who heads everything. Thought and Memory are your ravens, who tell you everything on the planet. You hung from the world tree to learn the secrets of the runes, you seduced your way to the mead of poetry, and even cast your own eye into a well to receive the water of wisdom. You try everything within your awesome power to prevent the end, but your own efforts only serve to hasten it. You are capricious, but never malevolent. You and your mysterious brothers fashioned this world, and you will go down with it, victim of the foul wolf Fenrir. My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 43% on Wisdom You scored higher than 17% on Sexuality You scored higher than 29% on Strength You scored higher than 36% on Goodliness Link: The Which Norse Deity Are You Test written by researcher on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
5:24 pm	CENTAUR You are a centaur. A centaur is half human and half horse. Centaurs are often depicted as lively and vibrant. They love food, drink, and revelry. However, they are also symbols of wisdom and unwavering courage. They may also be depicted as quite violent when they are provoked. Which mythical creature resides in your soul? (11 Results + Pictures) brought to you by Quizilla (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
3:02 pm	okay, so I'm bored... doin' quizzes in class...whee Your Personality Is Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. The Three Question Personality Test You Are Likely a First Born At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream. The Birth Order Predictor Your Personality Profile You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming! The World's Shortest Personality Test Your True Birth Month Is January Loyal Social Logical Easily jealous Loves children Rather reserved Highly attentive Likes to criticize Needs close friends Ambitious and serious Smart, neat and organized Hardworking and productive Loves to teach and be taught Quiet unless excited or tensed Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy Searches for the greatest romance Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds Romantic but has difficulties expressing love Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses What's Your True Birth Month? You are 67% Sagittarius How much do you match your zodiac sign? okay, so not as intellectual as my last few posts...but damnit, this is my journal, so =P... *cookies for everyone* (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:49 pm	woah Your Birthdate: November 22 While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings. You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? seems rather appropriate...especially the nervous tension thing. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 30th, 2005
11:25 am	Some questions Okay all you thinkers, discuss: Can a society which banishes or punishes those who do not conform to a general set of standards and morals be considered egalitarian (can an egalitarian society punish criminals, or institutionalize the insane if they can't define a set of standards for all to adhere to?)? Is this trimming down of dead weight a necessary process for any society, or does it automatically create an aristocracy? If it is necessary, do we then define egalitarian as "equal, but within reason"? Who defines what is within reason, and do they not then become an aristocracy? Is a truly equal society even possible in anything but a true democracy (as opposed to the Republic we now have)? *cookies to anyone who consideres these* *double cookies to any responders* whew...history debates are fun (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
12:28 am	I had to... ok, so I had to take this... You scored as Hoban 'Wash' Washburne. The Pilot. You are a leaf on the wind, see how you soar. You have a good job, and a stunning wife who loves you (and can kill people). Life is good, which is why you can't help smiling. Now if you can just get people to actually listen to your opinion things would be perfect. </td> Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 88% Capt. Mal Reynolds 69% Kaylee Frye 63% River Tam 63% The Operative 50% Shepherd Derrial Book 50% Simon Tam 50% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 44% Jayne Cobb 38% Inara Serra 31% Which Serenity character are you? created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
8:53 am	... Well...welcome back into service, livejournal. I once again need a place to go to rant and rave. Kara and I broke up last night. As I'm sure Kara will say, 'twas mostly me did the breaking part. I'm not even sure I want to go through the gory details. However, I'd rather not explain it to the million people that are going to ask about the details over and over again. Livejournal is nothing else if not an effective delivery system. We talked, and she said she felt we were drifting apart, having trouble relate. I can't talk to her about my life, in State College, because it upsets her to think of all the stuff she's missing while she's in Law School. She can't talk about her life in Boston because the names, places, it's all meaningless to me. I guess the real problem with this discussion is it wasn't the first time, or even the second or third. And I knew it wouldn't be the last time. So, we talked options. Talking to her about it was like pulling teeth. She's reluctant to tell me what she's thinking, what she's feeling. Of course, this doesn't make me feel all too great about things, because if she's reluctant it means she doesn't like what she is trying to say. She asks me to make a decision. I say we should make it together. We continue to look at facts. I come to the conclusion that I can't do it. We're looking at most likely at least another three years apart. We've had this conversation several times. I can't live from conversation to conversation wondering if each one is going to be the one that ends it. Not for three years. It's a terrible way to live. Maybe that makes me weak. Well then hell, I'm weak. I'd rather take the short painful way, than the long painful way. I think that's the part that she had trouble with, realising that either way, it was going to end. Whether it was this conversation, or the one we had exactly like it in four or five weeks, or a couple of months, it wasn't going to last. I mean, sharing what you're feeling is great, but when both of us know that we're both teetering on the edge of breaking up with each other (and that WAS mutual) and when, more and more, we can't relate to each other, how can we possibly carry on a healthy relationship that's good for us? I guess I read her wrong. I misinterpreted what she was saying. Once it was done, we argued for a good long while. She came in to the discussion saying her purpose was to share her feelings, and see where we thought we should go, given them. She left it saying she came into the conversation to strengthen our resolve as a relationship. She came in to the conversation saying she didn't know if she wanted to stay with me, if we ought to stay together. She left saying that she had wanted to stay together. How am I supposed to read that? This is why I fucking hate mind games, "guess what I'm REALLY thinking". If she had told me all that straight from the get-go...well, it's pointless the if's and but's. She didn't. I always had to fight with her to get her to tell me what she was thinking or feeling. You know what else hurt? She didn't fight it at all until after I told her what my decision was. Up until I told her I didn't think it would work, she just kept saying "I don't know". She didn't fight against it at all. How am I supposed to interpret that? Once we broke up, she argued with me about my decision, called my reasoning stupid, and a variety of other things. Why didn't she say anything WHILE I was sharing my reasoning the first time? Why didn't she say anything before I hurt her so badly? Why did she wait 'til I was out of the door to try and pull me back? You know, all this bitching and moaning is pointless anyway. I'm sure none of you want to hear all the bullshit. *cookies to any of you that give a damn* -Josh (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
11:32 pm	Holy wow! Wow, it's been a long time since I updated this. 'Course, I suppose it's not all that surprising. Mainly I use my livejournal to piss and moan about life, and really things have been going pretty well in the grand scheme of things. At any rate, I'm posting today mostly because I have a kind of interesting (well, I think it's interesting) topic to talk about a bit. I watched the premiere of a show tonight called "Over There". You may have heard about it, as it's apparently rather controversial. http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/27/apontv.overthere.ap/index.html It's a fictional show on FX about the Iraq War, the current one. It's been on the news for a couple of days because, well, the Iraq War is kinda a raw subject, since it's still going on and all. At any rate, while I probably wouldn't have watched it otherwise, as anyone who knows me can probably testify, I have a thing for war movies. I wouldn't say I enjoy them, enjoy isn't the right word to describe watching a war movie and liking it (especially the ones based on real events). At any rate, I have a war movie thing. I couldn't resist, even though I thought it was probably in poor taste. It was actually pretty good. It wasn't too overtly political about the thing, I don't think there was any discussion (in this first episode, at least) about whether we should or shouldn't be there. Now, here's why I really wanted to talk about it. I can't decide, after having watched it, whether it should or should not have been aired. I think the issue really comes down to intent. If the creator, Steven Bochco, is trying to bring attention to the myriad of complex issues and problems our soldiers are facing in Iraq, perhaps the only way to really galvanize the American public into action is with a controversial new drama show on FX. Americans by and large don't pay attention to the news, don't pay attention to what's going on around the world, and many probably see the Iraq war as a black and white, good vs. evil conflict. A TV show is probably the only thing that has enough impetus to crack through the thick wall of ignorance the average American erects around themselves. On the other hand, the show is probably going to make a ton of money. I tuned in and watched it just to see what the hubbub was about, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. On top of that, I'm sure there are plenty of viewers out there who watched it for the entertainment value. Controversy garners attention, which for a TV station means ratings and money. If this show is all about making money, I think the people involved ought to be beaten. What is going on in Iraq is horrible. Whether you agree with the war or not, I'd be hard pressed, I think, to find someone who would say that the suffering of American soldiers overseas is entertainment, or a good way to make money. So, which one is it? Tough question to answer. This Steven Bochco guy sincerely seems to believe he's bringing a message to the American public. But what about the executives at FX? Are they just seeing dollar signs amidst the swirl of controversy? I think there's an easy way to solve this whole mess, and I think that if I can find out who to write a letter to about it, I will. What FX ought to do, in my humble opinion, is donate all of the net profit the show makes to the organizations out there working to get more body armor to soldiers, to deliver care packages and proper equipment. If this show is about detailing the problems our soldiers face, then fine, use it to help solve those problems too. At the end of the show, they should urge viewers to contact their representatives and express their opinions on the war in Iraq. Honestly, I think the show has true potential to actually do some good for our soldiers overseas, but at this point, it's only potential. As it is, it's sitting right on the line between right and wrong, and unfortunately I think that's probably where the FX executives want it. So, now that I've talked about that, cookies for everyone! Woo. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
1:50 am	A brief update A brief update of my life... but first, some quizzes! Katana, chop enemies down with skill, speed and accuracy. Katana's were made for warriors that wanted to be fast and deadly like samurai warriors. The Katana is very sharp and takes a long time to blunt. (Please Vote) What sword would you use (info and pics on swords as well) brought to you by Quizilla anyone surprised at that? No? Didn't think so... My sphere is Knight (Know Loyalty and Respect), and my class is Defender (Peaceful, yet Potent). I am a Retainer. To be a Retainer is to be the ultimate Knight. When the kings of old were threatened, or faced with any obstacle of special note, it was the Retainer they called upon to act in the liege's name. To be an excellent Retainer is to bring great honor to yourself and those you work for, while instilling happiness and security in the people around you. What kind of Warrior are you? hmmm....and now back to your regularly scheduled journal entry... So, I'm still alive. DC was awesome, but a HELL of a lot of walking. LOL, and like the foolish person I am, I stayed up the whole night before walking around campus and talking to Kara, which was a lot of fun, but ultimately meant I had walked probably 15 miles Saturday before I even got to DC. Anyway, DC was indeed awesome. Sunday was less than fun though...people do things to other people that make me quite angry sometimes... Today was very nifty, Kara got a group together to celebrate the beginning of Passover (I'm not even going to try to spell the word for the actual event we held). And much fun was had, it was very interesting. Afterwords, crazy Wegman's antics and beyond ensued. And now, it's late, and I have class tomorrow, and an exam Weds., so I must sleep. g'night all, *cookies* TTYL (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 2nd, 2004
12:05 am	Woo! A Quiz.....yeah....bored-ish Yay for quizzes - Describe ? -- Name: Joshua Ryan Robison -- Birthplace: Boise, Idaho -- Birthdate: November 22, 1983 -- Current Location: good ol' State College, PA. Specifically, 404 Stephens Hall, in my room, on my chair next to the window in front of my computer screen. -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hair Color: Also brown -- Height: 5 feet 7 inches -- Righty or Lefty: I'm a southpaw, I use the hand sinister, I'm a lefty and proud of it! -- Innie or Outtie: Innie. -- Your heritage: Scottish/English and German -- The shoes you wore today: my nice boots, and my sandals when I was too lazy to put my boots on. -- Your weakness: just one? Jeez, I could fill up a journal entry with them...though, I have to say if I have to list just one, it's kryptonite. -- Your hair: it's...on top of my head...brown...um...hairy? -- Your perfect pizza: ooh, Pizza Hut's pineapple pizza the morning after, so it's been chilling in the fridge all night...mmm -- Your fears: Again, a graduate thesis paper would be too short. Being forgotten, worthless, useless. Dying old and unhappy in my sleep. -- One thing you'd like to achieve: Oh jeez...a lot. To make a computer game that truly was succesful in every aspect I set out for it to be succesful in. - What is ? -- Your most overused phrase on aim: LOL -- Your thoughts first waking up: MUST TURN OFF ALARM -- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: their facial expression. -- Your bedtime: Depends on the day...1:00ish -- Your greatest accomplishment: I could only list a relative greatest accomplishment, as my life isn't complete yet, so my absolute greatest may be yet to come (and hopefully is). Making it through College to this point I have to say. -- Your most missed memory: Hiking through the parks across the street from my house in Riyadh -You prefer ? -- Pepsi or coke: Coke all the way -- McDonald's or Burger King: how about real food? Is that not a choice? -- Single or group dates: Both have their advantages. -- Adidas or nike: Neither really. Do they even make boots? -- Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: real tea is better. -- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate -- Cappuccino or coffee: no idea, actually. Never tried Cappuccino. - Do you ? -- Smoke: Nope -- Curse: yeah -- Sing well: ...no, not at all -- Take a shower everyday: aye -- Have a crush(es): currently, no -- Who are they: um...no? -- Want to go to college: ....uh, yeah. Wouldn't be paying through the nose for it otherwise. -- Like high school: It was good times, and it was bad times. -- Want to get married: Assuming I found someone who was willing to spend the rest of their life with me (and that's a big 'if' methinks) I suppose so... -- Believe in yourself: Depends on several factors at the time, but occasionaly, yeah. -- Get motion sickness: If I read in the car, yeah -- Type with your fingers on the right keys: No, but I type fast enough. -- Think you're attractive: Ugly as a mule. -- Think you're a health freak: Nah -- Like lightning storms: Yeah, quite nifty -- Get along with your parents: Mostly, yeah -- Play an instrument: Aye - Have you ever ? -- Drank alcohol: A dry Penn State student? You're joking, right? -- Smoke(d): No, and will not -- Done a drug: No, and will not -- Gone on a date: Yeah -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Not in one sitting! -- Eaten sushi: Yup -- Been on stage: Yeah -- Been dumped: Twice. -- Gone skating: Yes. -- Go to the mall in the past week: Nah, the mall here sucks. -- Been in love: Yes. -- Gone skinny dipping: Nope -- Dyed your hair: Nope - Currently ? -- Current Taste: Nothing -- Current worry: my Stat318 test tomorrow -- Current hair: little messier than usual, *shrug* -- Current annoyance: lol, everything? -- Current Smell: rain -- Current thing you ought to be doing: going to sleep or studying -- Current Desktop Picture: ...Wait there is a desktop underthere? -- Current Favorite Groups: I dunno...I listen to a wide variety, they're all good. -- Current Book: Statistics and Data Analysis....woo... -- Current Cd in your Cd Player: "Children of Dune" Soundtrack. - Have you ever ? -- Played a game that involved the removal of clothing: No -- Been caught "doing something": Depends on your definition of "doing something". -- Been called a tease: no -- Gotten beaten up: I gave as good as I got -- Shoplifted: nope -- Changed who you were to fit in: Not really... - The future ? -- Age you hope to be married: Before I die? I dunno -- Number and Names of Children: Uh, I don't really know or care right now -- Describe your Dream Wedding: Erm...one wherein nothing bad happens? I dunno. (Methinks this survey wasn't aimed at my particular gender =) -- How do you want to die: Honestly? I'd rather die defending my ideals, morals, standards, or friends. I don't really want to go peacefully. -- Where you want to go to college: I'll answer this with where I want to go to grad school: SMU's Guildhall. -- What do you want to be when you grow up: Computer Game Designer and Supreme Dictator of the World -- What countries would you most like to visit: All of them? - Opposite sex ? -- Best eye color: Not sure... -- Best hair color? I'm not picky, lol. They're all good -- Short or long hair?: Whatever works for the person in question. -- Best height: I dunno. Never dated anyone significantly taller, so I couldn't say. -- Best weight: I prefer at least not unhealthily over or under weight. -- Best articles of clothing: hmmmm....tank-tops -- Best first date location: Hmmm...tough call. Disney World was a killer =) -- Best first kiss location: Anywhere. - Number of ? -- Number of drugs taken illegally: None -- Number of people I could trust with my life: Not so sure...at least 5 -- Number of CDs that I own: About 40 -- Number of tattoos: None -- Number of Piercings: none. -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: a few...I didn't keep track -- Number of scars on my body: 1 or 2 -- Number of things in my past that I regret: Not any more. I never did any less than the best I could at the time. Would I change some things knowing what I know now? Probably. But I didn't have that knowledge then, so I don't regret my choices. - Are you ? --superstitious: To a degree --popular: No --happy with yourself: Mostly...sometimes more than others --open or close minded: I'd like to think I'm open-minded --there for your friends and peers: I try to be --someone's enemy: not as far as I know... --have enemies: There are people who I'd consider my enemies, yes... Boy, that was fun...took way too long though, I've got an exam in the morning =/ I'll hopefully have an interesting entry for all on Sunday *cookies for all* TTYL (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
10:29 pm	What could be more necessary? So, apparently, these things aren't really safe for posting nasty things about people. Just ask Justin if you need to know why....that heinous bitch...I could just....oh wait, wouldn't want to be making THREATS now would I? Jesus H. Christ on a Pogo Stick this makes me sick to my stomach. I really do think going to the Police about an idle threat that Justin made during an emotionally difficult period in his life is a bit FUCKING EXTREME. And how the hell can she expect to be left alone when she goes and gets herself all involved like this again? It's remniscient of the fights my brother and I used to have. My brother would yell and hit me, then grab onto my arm with all of his strength. Meanwhile, he'd be screaming "let go of me, get away from me!" Mind you, it was him holding on to my arm...startling parallel. It may amuse my readers then, to know that my brother was about 4 at the time. I'd like to think that Lauren, as an adult, could be just a tiny bit more mature than that. All I can say is this act was purely vengeful and spiteful. Nobody's afraid Justin's gonna go kill Lauren, we all know Justin wouldn't hurt anybody. This was done solely to inflict more pain and aggrivation on Justin. As if he really needed that. So, on to other depressing topics, The Last Samurai was playing in the HUB this weekend (that is, in fact, where the title of this entry comes from). Now, one might say from that comment "was it really that bad a movie, that it is in fact depressing?" No, no it isn't. It's such a good movie. I saw it twice this weekend, because the movie may as well have been titled "The Last Samurai: We sucked Josh's brain dry of information and made the most appealing movie to him possible" Unfortunately, this means the movie is also very, very sad. If you haven't seen it, you may wish to not read the next few paragraphs, as they'll have plot spoilers in them: So, simply put, this movie is wonderful. It deals with the best themes, namely honor, duty, the conflict between tradition and innovation. Now, anyone who knows the basic premise could tell that the Samurai are doomed from the beginning of this movie. Soldiers with guns couldn't beat Gatling guns, how could soldiers with swords hope to do so? It just is such a depressing topic, mostly because I wish we lived in a world where combat was noble and honorable, where combatants treated each other with a sort of respect, and where war wasn't a push-button affair. Perhaps I'm dreaming of an age which never really existed, and never will, but still, it'd be nice. In my opinion, the rise of the gun has totally ruined the point of War. Every day it becomes less and less of a final result. You know why? Because we no longer have to look into the eyes of the people we're killing. We no longer have to face our actions up front and in full. War is supposed to be horrible and terrible for everyone involved. That's what makes it a) useful and b) a last resort. When all we have to do is push buttons to kill people, it becomes a game, wherein the stakes are peoples' lives. Now, this isn't to say that killing with a gun is any easier on the soldiers than killing with a sword...it's just the invention which started us down that road. With a gun, unless you're a sniper, you can say "it was the guy next to me that killed the enemy, I missed...", just like a firing squad wherein no man knows which gun is loaded so no man has to inescapably believe they killed someone. The only thing I don't like about the movie, which stems from my general problem with that particular aspect of Bushido, is Seppuku. For those who don't know, that's when you ritually kill your self, because it is shameful to be defeated in combat. That's probably the one reason I'd make a bad Samurai (or maybe a good one, who knows). If you kill yourself after a defeat, how can you possibly work to undo your defeat? As Algren puts it in the movie, if you have to die either on your enemy's blade or on your own, it might as well be your enemy's. It's simply just too difficult for me to understand how suicide can be a noble, honorable thing to do. Maybe it's because I just can't comprehend a shame so deep and horrifying that I'd rather be dead than endure it. end spoilery section I dunno, this movie just hits a sore spot with me. I also wish, in some ways, that I had half the dedication, skill, and discipline the Samurai are depicted as having. I've decided that's one of those things I'm going to try and work on. I'm trying to work on a lot of things about myself these days. I need to get back to Tang Soo Do or I'll always give myself a hard time about not keeping up with my practicing of that. It's not really the art I would practice given the choice of a variety of arts (especially if there were Shaolin Gongfu or Japanese sword style available around here) but it strikes at the very root of one of my worst problems. Namely, that I always want things, but I rarely work for them. I want to be a good martial artist, but I'm too lazy to practice or keep going to class. I'm also worried about going back, about having to answer all sorts of questions about my absence, having to explain it. Silly fear, really, but nonetheless potent. What I really need is to get going back next semester, at the beginning of my semester, as well as practicing on my own during the semester. My schedule always seems so mutable at the beginning of a semester, and so fixed later on. If I get myself into a routine, perhaps it'll make it harder to break out and drop off with my practice again. Anyway, so it's been a very interesting weekend....and now starts a week of hellish hellish midterming and such....woo-hoo... *cookies to all who read this* oh, and I agree with Capt. Algren...what could be more necessary than honor, discipline, and compassion in today's world. Those ways, those things, will always be necessary. Anyway, I'm off... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
6:05 pm	quizzy things first the long survey-ish thing (_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK (x) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT (_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX (x) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX (x) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR (x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO JAPAN (_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI (x) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX (_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE (x) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX (x) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC (_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED (x) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED (x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED (_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT (x) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME (_) I NEVER SNEAKED OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE (x) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY) (x) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING (x) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF (AS A BABY WE ALL DID) (x) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX (x) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED (x) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER (x) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB (x) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE (x) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE (_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND (x) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER (x) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS (_) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE (_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL (x) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER (_) I NEVER CUT MYSELF ON PURPOSE (x) I NEVER HAD SEX AT THE OFFICE (x) I'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED (x) I'VE NEVER BEEN DIVORCED (x) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON WITHIN THE SAME WEEK (x) I NEVER HAVE POSED NUDE (x) I NEVER GOT SOMEONE DRUNK JUST TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM (x) I NEVER CHEATED ON MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER (x) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH MY BOSS (x) I NEVER DATED MY ROOMMATE (x) I NEVER HAVE HITCH-HIKED (x) I NEVER HAVE DANCED NAKED (_) I NEVER HAVE EATEN RED MEAT, CHICKEN, OR FISH (x) I NEVER HAVE GOTTEN A TATTOO a - age: 20 b - band listening to right now: Yellowcard c - career future: Computer Game developer d - dad's name: David e - easiest person to talk to: most of my friends, really f - favorite song: Dire Straits-"Sultans of Swing" g - gummy bears or gummy worms: bears h - hometown: West Windsor i - instruments: trumpet j - job: none k - kids: nope l - longest car ride ever: Boston-ish to Minnesota m - mom's name: Connie n - no. of people you slept with: in what way? Sexually: 0, just sleeping, 5 or 6 p - phobia(s): being forgotten q - quote: "Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment" bleak, but true r - reason to smile: I got into my major! s - song you sang last: Blink182 "I miss you" t - time you wake up: 9 am u - unknown fact about me: I'm secretly an alien robot sent to conquer earth... v - vegetable you hate: is a sweet potato a vegetable? w - worst habit: bitching about everything x - x-rays you've had: elbow, teeth, teeth, jaw, teeth...those things I use to chew my food, teeth, and..oh yeah! teeth y - yummy food: mint ice cream z - zodiac sign: Sagittarius whoo, wasn't that fun...see how boring I am? =) Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The Alone. "When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face." The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness, melancholy, and patience. It is governed by the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword, or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so much love to give, but thing just never seem to work out the way you want them to. In life, you can be very optomistic, even when things are gray and nothing works out to your expectations. What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To? brought to you by Quizilla and one more Your Energy is Grey. Your thoughts are unclear, muddled, and confusing. Dark thoughts or depression may be clouding your true colors. It may be that you have been hurt and rejected, or maybe you are just manipulative, dark, and evil. What color is your energy? brought to you by Quizilla manipulative, dark and evil? Jeez...that's..not so good, lol (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 14th, 2004
7:39 pm	Long time... Jeez, it's been a while since I updated this. 'Course, mostly because I didn't have much to tell. Fortunately for all my faithful readers (hehe, yeah right, who'm I kidding?) that's changed. So I just got back up to school from Spring Break. Break was good, rather quiet and relaxing, which is how I wanted it. Went bowling once, saw Katie, Eric, Justin, Kate, Carol, Emily, and both the Matts. 'Twas quite nifty. Saw the MCCC Jazz Band at LNS with Emily, Kate and Carol, and they were very good. I also saw a good deal of movies, since sitting at home, I required some form of mental stimulation so as not to totally shut down all brain functions. That, and Emily invited us all over to watch movies, and Emily's movie parties are always fun times (and every time she throws one, the movie "Awakenings" is on TV...it's really quite freakish). "Lost in Translation" this one's...interesting...I can't decide whether I liked it and thought it was deep, or whether it was a bunch of garbage that made no sense. Requires a second watching methinks. "Pirates of the Carribean" always a fun film...I enjoyed it of course. "X2" also a good time, and far far better than the prequel X-men movie. I hope they do manage to get Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman back for the next one, 'cuz they're awesome. "Die Another Day" Bond movies rock...that is all. "Whale Rider" for a movie where very little action takes place, this was surprisingly good. I really enjoyed it. "Liar Liar" funnier the first time around, but still a highly amusing movie. "With Honors" pure sap, but enjoyable sap. Lol, I hope you enjoyed my mini-review. I figure, I haven't posted in so long, I ought to post a really long post. =) So I've been playing two new games that I'm in the beta test for. Lineage II is a Korean-made MMORPG that is already out overseas and planning to set up shop here in the U.S. in April. Visually, the game is stunning. The graphics are simply gorgeous (I'm sure that's helped by my spiffy new graphics card) and the environments are very...epic looking, very grand. Stepping into the Swamplands south of my village, a deep mist swirled up around me, green-tinged, and the swamp looked damp and foreboding, like an altogether unpleasant place to be. I was highly impressed. The interface still has a few rough spots, but this is a beta, so I should expect that. I thought controlling the motion of my avatar with a mouse as opposed to the tried-and-true WASD setup would be awkward, but it's quite simple to get the hang of. Combat can be a bit tricky in a group, gotta be careful not to try to attack your teammates, since this game is ALL PVP, and killing your buds is not going to gain you favor. It's really kind of hard to tell about the storyline. The background info is interesting, and could keep me playing, I'm waiting to see how well it weaves into the actual game. So far, I'm not overly impressed, most quests have been dry and repetetive collection quests or errand-running, with little backstory or important purpose. However, the game is in fact a great deal of fun, which is important. Saga of Ryzom is a different story. Made by the French, it's still in Beta as well. This game is weird as hell. They really REALLY need someone who speaks fluent, probably native English to refine their manuals, instructions, and in-game text, because I've got no idea what the hell is going on. Again, it is a visually stunning game, with very interesting and realistic terrain features that simply look wonderful. Unfortunately, compared to Lineage II, this game is a piece of shit code-wise. Frequent server crashes due to bugs, practically nothing works (you can buy new armor, but whether you run around naked or spend a few thousand moneys on the latest in self-protection makes no difference at all). I think if the confusion factor were eliminated, I'd be more inclined to enjoy it. Hence the dire need for good translators. One thing I don't like though, is fighting goddamn livestock. See, at the levels currently attainable in the game, players can only really tackle what amount to game animals, from small dog-like fuzzy things, to larger...well...dog-like fuzzy things. What the fuck? I'm not seeing much of a worthwhile story in playing an MMORPG version of Deer Hunter. Perhaps it gets better, or the in-game lore has something to do with a massive worldwide livestock conspiracy that must be snuffed out (how lame would that be?)...anyway, I don't have high hopes. I was in a niche market of a niche market when I started playing MMORPGs, picking the less conventional Asheron's Call, as opposed to the "Vanilla Fantasy" Everquest or Ultima Online. And me, I think this game is too out-there. I think it's probably lost on a US audience. That's pretty scary. Okay, so now that you've read through a ton of boring bullshit, how about some real news? I got accepted to RIT. Neato. I could go there if I wanted to, chill with Justin and Jim up in Rochester, have a good time, and still graduate Computer Science. Good stuff. However.... I also got accepted (according to an e-mail, I'm hoping for some written proof at some point) into Penn State's College of Engineering Computer Science Program. Translation: I don't need to leave State College, I'm good to go =). This is pretty good news, because I wasn't really looking forward to leaving. I mean, part of me thought it'd be cool, but the rest of me figures it'd be a lot cooler to stay here. And now I can. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah...so I'm glad about that. 'Tis good stuff...much goodness. Actually, that's pretty much the only real news I had. I was just foolin' when I said I had a lot to write about...(can you tell I'm bored? =) anyways, *gives cookies to everyone* enjoy.. TTYL (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 20th, 2004
7:12 pm	In other news... Okay, so I figured I ought to explain the internship program I'm considering, because I got some weird comments (most notably from Drew). It's a 6 week internship program this summer, with 6 weeks next summer too if I'm still interested. I dunno...I think I may have to do it. I think it's something I ought to do. Drew thinks I'll just decide I don't like it and come home and hate myself for wussing Essentially, I get paid to go, run through their program, and then if I choose, I can walk away no strings attached. But, if I complete both 6 week programs and pass, I will be offered a commission in the Marine Corps. Not that I'd necessarily take it, or be forced to take it. There's no obligation other than showing up for 4 weeks if they accept me into the program. On the plus side, I get paid, it'll look really good on a resume, it'll give me something to do this summer, but not take the whole summer, and it'll be a challenge unlike any I've ever really faced before. I had my meeting today with Captain Ruiz, and it was pretty cool. This program looks like it'll be really intense, but really worthwhile. I was all nervous beforehand, but once I actually got there and talked to the guy, I was pretty relaxed about it. He told me to think about it for a bit, and if I wanted to give it a go, cool, and if I decided it's not for me, that's cool too. out. I dunno if that's true or not, but there's not really any harm in trying, eh? Like Captain Ruiz said, nobody walks away from it empty-handed, at the very least. It's just...it's such a departure from my normal life, and from what people have come to expect from me, and what I've come to expect from myself. It's a crazy idea, me being Marine-ish. *sigh* I've still got some time to make my mind up, so it's no rush really. On to other topics. For some reason, I feel incredibly lonely today. Not even today, just all of a sudden. I wish I had a girlfriend. I'm tired of being single. However, I'm reluctant to start anything (not that there'r any offers on the table or anything) because, me being me, I prefer serious relationships that will last and mean something, and if I'm going off to somewhere other than PSU next semester, it'll just cause a lot more trouble than I want to deal with. Life blows. I probably ought to just reconcile myself to being single, because I probably will be for quite some time. 'Course, this is the same shit I've been bitching about practically since Kate and I broke up. Persistent little bugger, loneliness. Not easy to quash. Yeah, so I don't even know why I bothered writing that. Waste of energy. I'm gonna go try and find something to do now...oh yeah, did I mention I'm bored? LOL TTYL (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
10:41 pm	Nervousness Yeah...so I put in a request for more info on that internship-ish thingy with the Marines last night at like midnight, and I got a call about it today at like 6. Faster than I expected. Not only that, but I've got a meeting with them tomorrow. Woah. A lot faster than I expected. Now that it comes to it, I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. I mean, what if I'm not cut out for this shit? What if I end up making a total ass out of myself. Turns out, it's two six week classes, one this summer and one next summer. So I'll only be gone six weeks out of the summer, and I'm only expected to show up for four of the six weeks, then I can bail if I want to. But, LOL, after four weeks, I'm over half done, why not finish it? I think, if I can handle it for four weeks, I can handle it for six. I'm still nervous about it though. I don't really know why I'm getting myself worked up about it. It's only an informational interview. I don't have to do this if I don't want to, and there's that masochistic streak in me that really wants to do this, to see if I could make the cut. Show my quality and all that bullshit. LOL, I really shouldn't have looked at the part of the website that said absolutely everything is graded once you get to the course. That's kinda nerve-wracking, though that's probably the point, LOL. I'm also kind of nervous about being forced into leading a group. Really though, that's what this thing is all about, Leadership. I think I've got the skills sitting dormant somewhere inside this bag of flesh, and I think this might bring them out. Then again, I might fold up and turn out to be nothing but a bag of hot air. I think it's probably a needed experience, which is why I'm so seriously considering it. If I can prove my worth to myself, maybe that'll help me break out of some of my worse moods and thoughts and such. 'Course, it cuts both ways. If I fuck up, this is likely to make me even more unhappy about myself. We'll see....I feel as if I'm at the apex of a roller-coaster's first plunge. I hope the ride turns out good and not bad. TTYL (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
10:27 pm	Well well... Well well...been an interesting couple of days. So first off, I'm thinking about taking an internship with the Marines this summer. It looks like a really interesting program, and according to the flyer I got, there's no obligation to join up. Plus, it's paid, and if I do choose to go into the Marines after College, I'd be an Officer. *waits for laughing to die down* Yeah, yeah, me as a Marine, that's...quite a stretch. I think I could do it though. I'm trying to get some more info on it, I'd love to make doubly sure that there's no obligation to join up, because while it'd be a good backup plan, it's not exactly what I think I want to do with my life right now. On to other news. Dean dropped out of the race for President. *Cry* Actually, I expected this, and I'm glad he bowed out now and will use his infastructure to help the Democratic nominee. It would've been too sad to watch him soldier on through the primaries losing every state. Edwards is now our best hope for a good Presidential candidate. We'll see what happens. Yet more news. Got an e-mail from Matt via Jessie, talking about some really nasty amendments to a really nice adoption bill under consideration in the PA Legislature. The amendments, from what Matt said, are to ban not only homosexual marriage in PA, but also Civil Unions. It would also ban adoption by homosexual people. If the amendments pass, then Democrats would have to try to defeat this really nifty bill, shoot it down to keep the amendments to it from being put in place. Dastardly. This whole anti gay marriage thing is so stupid. It's retarded. Let them get married. I don't see any good reason, ANY good reason to ban them from getting married at all. Why? Because there isn't a good reason. It's bigotry, hatred. We're the United States of America, we're supposed to be above that shit. for a more...emotional rant on the subject, I direct you to Jessi's livejournal, you can see it on my friends page. Lol. Me, I'm gonna wait and see how things turn out, mostly because I'm not sure yet how to go about supporting the rights of homosexuals to get married. It'll probably come up at the next College Democrats meeting. I just don't see why they don't have the right to be happy like everyone else. Why don't they have the right to the same benefits as us hetero people just because who they choose to love isn't who we choose to? We don't deny marriage to people on any other basis, why should we on this one? This is discrimination, plain and simple. okay...I guess that's really all for now. I have an early class, so I'm gonna go sleep now. *gives you all cookies* TTYL (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
4:37 pm	Dreams... So I had a dream last night. Normally, I wouldn't bother to post something like this, because while I don't dream frequently, it's not rare either. What WAs weird about this one was that it woke me up at 5:13 this morning. I haven't been jarred awake by a dream in about 3 years. It was also a very freakish dream, and it's the type that sounds like it has some deep metaphorical meaning (the substance of which probably boils down to "you're messed up in the head") So here's my dream: I'm laying on the floor of a house. It's a nice floor, hardwood or fake-hardwood. It looks like maybe mid-afternoon, when there's that golden tinge to the light, that lazy feeling from the sun that only hits around 4:00ish. I'm petting a cat while I lay on the floor. At first, its fur is all black and sleek. It purrs, so I continue to pet it. And here's where it gets freaky. The cat growls at me, so I tilt up my head to look at it. All of a sudden, I'm holding the thing by its throat, trying to keep it from biting my face off. Its fur is no longer black, but a patchy black and white mix. Its mangy looking, and the cat has grown to the size of a bobcat. Its eyes are opened wide, in that manic, insane, fear-nothing sort of way. It doesn't even have cat eyes, its got human eyes, with extremely tiny pupils. Its teeth have grown long and sharp and it gnashes them at me as I try to hold it away from me. It barks or grunts with each bite, its a hard noise to describe, but it is utterly un-cat like. Somewhere in here I growl back at it, trying to intimidate it, to no avail. Now, it takes two hands to hold it back. If I let it go, this once docile domestic house cat will rip my throat out, and I can barely hold it back. What's it mean? No idea, you tell me, lol So other than that, not much news today. Discrete Math midterm was suprisingly not bad, but we'll see when we get the grade back. I haven't taken my vector calc midterm yet, that's another 2 hours away. Classes today were mundane as usual, and lunch pretty much sucked. I'm looking forward to relaxing after my test tonight, but I've got another on Friday, so not too much relaxing in store. I'm still a bit sickened at the whole world. I talked to Matt today, and now I'm pretty sure I fully agree that the world needs to be conquered. Something's gotta happen, somebody's gotta try to fix all this shit. Other than that, nothing's really new. So that's all for now *cookies* woo! TTYL (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:17 am	Quizzes Okay, so I filled out some quizzes because I'm not getting any more studying done tonight and I'm trying to keep my mind off less pleasant things (see previous post) enjoy You are the silver moonlight. You have a deep soul. Many people call you mysterious but they just don't know you. You are often alone but shine hope on every one else. People look up to you and call to you for advice. You have been betrayed but you have forgaven them. Your faith in life has made you an inspiration to us all. You are intelligent, quiet, beautiful, and kind. You will become very sucessful. Your dream career could maybe deal with the joy of music. Keep up the spirit and let your mind drift to the shining hope of the silver moon. What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls) brought to you by Quizilla As if you were born into a world of tears, you always tend to look at the darker things in life. Inside you crave attention yet push away society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn to things like the occult and mysteries, you spend your time daydreaming. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but its there, and your friends can see it. You constantly feel alone, and need to do things to fill your time. Your afraid to tell people this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad way, and you think you screwed up everything. And when you are in love is when you are sad the most. (Please Vote) What Emotion Dominates you? brought to you by Quizilla You are a Khaos angel. You are different from all the rest. You are a special breed of angel, prone to suffer in the world that you are in now. No matter how much you try to believe that your not special, you are. There is alot that you want to do in this world. Khaos angels are very dramatic, we tend to have the ability to cheer people up no matter what the mood, and hold in your emotions. You should be proud, Khaos angels are very rare to find in this world of ours... (and yes. you are a completely different type. Hence the name "Khaos" and not Chaos. quite strange huh?) What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics ) brought to you by Quizilla Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't been in much relationships or you need to work on how to handle them. You always seem lost in a daydream about the person you care about most. PLEASE RATE What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS* brought to you by Quizilla img src="http://images.quizilla.com/D/darksolice/1072305457_stquickest.jpg" border="0" alt="quickest"> Quickest. You just have to be the hero all the time don't you? I mean, the worlds going to end, but rather then accepting it, you have to go stop it... You find yourself being misunderstood, but are full of good intentions. You're the best kind of friend, and the worst kind of enemy... why are you wasting your time taking this quiz? go save the world or something. How would you survive the end of the world? brought to you by Quizilla TTYL (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
10:15 pm	Good Saturday, Bad Sunday So, Saturday was pretty cool. Most of the day was actually pretty boring, but I went out Saturday night with Jessi, Chris, and Jason, and we had a really good time. Much fun was had by all, I think. Today was a different story. I basically spent the afternoon and early evening studying for my math 230 exam. Kinda burned out on that, I'm at that point where more studying will probably do me no good. I need to do more prep work for that course in general. So studying didn't in an of itself make the day not so good. You see, after that, I turned on the news. I should know better. Never, EVER under ANY circumstances watch the news. Ever. First, there was a short story about the thousands of gay couples being married in San Fransisco right now. It was awesome. I'm glad for those people, and glad someone's finally making a fucking stand on this issue and letting these people get married. If they rule the marriage liscences are null, I may have to become an assassin. However, it was a heartwarming story. Here's where it gets disturbing. I'm not kidding, this is fucked up. I'm rather upset about this, so if you don't want to be equally disturbed and subjected to my vile language and graphic imagery, skip the next paragraph. Then came the one-hour feature on child prostitution/trafficking in Romania and elsewhere. My God. 10-17 year old boys being pimped out to fat fucks with too much money and too few scruples. I have never wanted so badly to own a sniper rifle. If you put me within ten feet of the people who organize and run this shit, you'd have a lot of dead bodies very swiftly, and one very serial-killer-esque Josh. There was a father pimping out HIS OWN SON. All I can say to that is "what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! HE'S YOUR SON FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Though I doubt, given the opportunity, that I could restrain myself from killing them, death is too good for these people. These people deserve to have hot coals dropped into their pants, prior to their castration. Then, they ought to have their skin peeled off slowly, layer by layer, and forcibly fed to them. People are not merely sacks of meat. You do not pimp them out. You ESPECIALLY do NOT pimp out children against their will just so you can make a few extra fucking dollars. And the Romanian authority, until recently, refused to even admit there was a problem. I swear, we need another fucking Deluge. God needs to wipe this shitball of a planet clean and start again. I could kill a fucktard every second of my life and not come close to finishing them all off. Where the hell is the smiting, the holy wrath? Where is the divine justice? And these people, these pimps, get away with this shit, and make a lot of money off of selling teenaged boys to rich lecherous pedophiles. When they get caught, they use their money to bribe their way out of trouble. The corruption inherent in every fucking corner of the world and our society is starting to sicken me. Is there nothing left that is good? One of the biggest pimps on these shows first came to Romania as a charity worker, helping kids at an orphanage. Everything is wrong. I want to leave this planet. I want to go somewhere else. I want to forget all of this, pretend I never heard it, and go back into my hole and never come out again. But I can't. You can't just go back to ignorance once you're in the know about shit. It may seem like I'm overreacting about this one story, but this is really several topics' worth of repression coming out. This is merely indicative of the corruption that pervades humanity. It just...it just sickens me. Yeah, so needless to say after watching that, studying has been unsuccessful. I've been listening to the LOTR soundtracks since then, not quite sure why, other than that Middle Earth seems like the perfect place to escape from this world to. I'd go there, if I could. At least there, and in most other of my favorite books, evil has form, evil can be combatted and triumphed over. There are things that can be done to make evil go away, that there's something I can DO. But how do you fight evil like this shit? How do you fight bribery, or corruption. How do you go out and beat up pedophilia? You can't just go stab this sort of shit. Maybe that's why I want to make video games. And, ultimately, why I can't manage to stay interested in any games after a while. I can't manage to keep myself interested in Planetside or Asheron's Call, because in the end, I'm not even making a difference in the digital world. The monsters I slay all respawn. The game continues whether I'm there or not, and when death is meaningless, so is saving people from death. Heh, when it comes down to it, I'm pretty pathetic. I don't even know how to go about making a real difference. Life is so....unsatisfying. So...yeah...I'm gonna go now, and try to study some more, and fail miserably. *gives you a cookie* TTYL (2 Comments |Comment on this)